She stayed buried in my neck, breathing easily sparking a certain awareness of her being there. She told me she wanted to hear the dream. Now, for some this may be pillow talk and maybe it is.

The face started out at the old soccer field I played my home matches on while I was a young boy. I met with all my former team mates upon my arrival. We shook hands, fist bumped each other and asked questions concerning our current situation in live life and events that had occurred since we last met up. I liked it. Fast forward to a picture that was to be taken of this glorious reunion. Supposedly this reunion was quite the happening, considering it was the mayor who took the photograph. Not participated but actually hit the shutter button and capture the teams for eternity. There were a lot of people on the field that day. All the teams of a certain era were trying to fit into one frame and so the mayor urged us all to move closer together. We tried to move but he wasn’t pleased with it and told us to move even further together. “You guys ain’t fitting” he shouted and made majestic gestures with hands and camera to make us comply. Then I saw two legs sinking in on both sides of me and a chest pressuring up against my back. Then two arms were stretching around me and met on the middle in a lock. This woman was clutching me firmly and I let my head rest backwards. She was fully embracing me from behind and I indulged into that with full force. In the beginning I could hear her breathing but as time passed all sounds were fading out and I didn’t pick up a single noise. simultaneously the surrounding were also all fading to white. Starting with the outer peripheries and growing slowly deeper into my visual spectre. Soon the white fade had eaten out all the content. The last thing I saw was the mayor standing in the center. Now everything I saw was a white eternity plus the legs and arms holding around me. I started feeling drowsy, but most of all euphoric. The overwhelming bright light and clenching from the woman made me feel protected and in utter and total serenity from all of what may have previously caused stress a disrelief. It was the greatest feeling I could imagine.

- I’m pretty sure that was you holding me, I said.
- That’s nice, she said.

She kissed me and smiled. I laid my head back down on the pillow. Uncertain of wether or not she had understood my dream the way I had deciphered it. I must admit the dream made an impact on me. That feeling of serenity was something unique. I just want her to know how she makes me feel.

“Let’s light a candle”.

I won’t light a candle. Not in church I won’t. He wouldn’t want us to. I lit a candle. What do I know what he wants now? I lit one of the candles and placed it in front of his picture. Next to his picture was his brothers picture. “Them kids in that fimily are just to damn alike, you can’t tell them apart…”

“Were. They were alike.”

He was right. They were. You can’t cope with that. Yesterday you couldn’t tell them apart. Now you can’t, simply can’t. My tears were tumbling down my face. Urging to hit the ground. We embraced each other. All of us who were left. I cried. We later on met up in one of our houses, where God has no voice. The aura was so thick of sorrow. There were so many pictures on the table. Hundreds of moments captured. All memories we’ll always have. All of those enlightening minutes with him, the hours of laughs, the years of unity. The television set was on, looping old video footage. The laughter and smiles he shared with us. He was in the room. Spraying us with the oh so familiar quotes and persona he was known for. The aura softened a little, but we kept in mind that we’ll never be able to make new memories along with him. There’s scarcely any comfort in this, but we’ll keep these memories alive. Good memories. There just should have been more. We sat there all night. None of us said much, only videotapes rolling and flicking through old photographs.

Her two bags. Bags in bags. Five bags put in each other. Re-inforcement. These bags won’t tear. These bags will bear all the burdens.  She then moved all her items from the one bag to the other. Ham. Paté.  A bowl of some sort. That’s all I saw. She swapped them between the bags. Standing at the register. People passing by. Everything goes so fast. She has her tempo. Focused on these bags. People passing by.

I can’t help but wondering how her physical appearence sets roots in some physical hurt. Her silhouette makes the appearence of a question mark. It might be a tremble for her to walk . It might be a hassle to lie for her. It might be torture to be awake for her. What do I know?

I bought a chocolate. A Mars. Fudgy. I loathe the fact I bought it. It seemed so idiotic to buy chocolate. I bought some other stuff too, but the chocolate was uneccecary.

As I became on of those who passed by her, I got a look at her face.  She was still focused on her items. What was she doing? I was wondering what took her so long. I was wondering if she is lonely. A bad taste in my mouth. A sketchy smile lurking on her mouth. I left. Wondering what she would do the rest of the evening. It was valentine’s day today. What do 65 years old questionmarks do on these days?

She put her earplugs with music back in. Started running. After four steps she stopped. For a long time she stood there, with her back towards me. It was for too, too long. Maybe because everything stopped. Maybe it was because she stopped. My heart. As she turned around, her hair made spiral of curly blonde waves. She looked into my eyes, and for what it’s worth, I looked into to hers too. Because I hadn’t earlier.  I heard her say thank you. Thank you. My eyes moved back up to her eyes. Blue. She turned back around and the spiral appeared again. Then she ran off. Quick and nimble. No friction.

You’re welcome, I said. She was gone, and left me well alone. She is.

We danced for a while. Then we had to take a breath of fresh air. In the aftermath of this momentary dance, we found ourself refreshing our bodies with liquids. Small bottles of fizzing, soothing, limey drinks. Made of glass. Heavy. Robust. Pause. We sat on the stairs, thinking of what we just had done. Satisfaction came to mind. Tommy erupted the echoes of heavy breaths, saying “Hey, does anyone want to go and see the Eiffel Tower?”

It felt blue. Bright baby blue, turning slowly darker. Night had come for this day, our dance was over.

We ate the soup. I was less hungry. I started taking the plates off the table. I sat back down. She looked at me, and I looked away. He was looking into the air aswell. Then she scared me with these words. ”It is good that you are back. Back with us.”

I’m not with anyone. Never was either. Of course I didn’t tell her. But he knew.